Feeling Lucky
by EternallyEC
Summary: Summary: Natalie feels out of place and does something about it. Please note this is NOT a Jolie story but they are in it a bit. For the most part this is NATALIE CENTRIC—which is the best centric to be –giggle Sorry for the lame joke, I’m feeling giddy.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, don't sue.

**Dedication:** To MissDevon for inspiring this!

**Rating:** PG for language and minor angst

**Distribution:** If you've had my permission before you have it now.

**Summary:** Natalie feels out of place and does something about it.

**Author's Note:** I don't know where this came from but I started it last Saturday and finally finished it today!  I am VERY happy with myself at the moment, will be posting it shortly.

Please note this is NOT a Jolie story but they are in it a bit. For the most part this is NATALIE CENTRIC—which is the best centric to be –giggle- Sorry for the lame joke, I'm feeling giddy.

**Title:** Feeling Lucky

Natalie was running in the park, dressed in a gray tank top with matching shorts. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail and her face was covered with a fine sheen of sweat. As she ran, she tried to pay attention the tape of her earlier lecture that was playing in her ear to no avail. Instead, all she could think of was her life in Llanview…

She had always wondered who they all expected her to be. Viki was the only one who had no expectations, but still Natalie felt the shadow of Jessica and Megan hanging over her head constantly. But she didn't want her mother to worry because she was the one person she felt comfortable being herself around—so she played it off and tried to hide the hurt she felt.

To Jessica she was supposed to be the new sister, an instant best friend. What Jessie didn't understand was that she could never be what she wanted. Jessica was used to getting everything handed to her, so Natalie played the part of the loving twin as well as she was able.

Kevin and Joey were easier. They simply didn't give a damn. Once upon a time Natalie had been hurt deeply by this, but now she found that it made things a lot simpler. At least when it came to them she didn't have to worry about making sure she played the part right. She could be herself and they would just snicker behind her back about how she would never be a Buchanan. She didn't give a damn what they thought, except to be grateful.

Clint was a different story. Natalie had always longed for a father growing up, and that was a hunger that had never gone away. She had tried desperately to connect with her father in the past few months, even going as far as to fly out to London to stay. He had business meetings constantly and was never around, so she had given up after a few weeks and come back home. It was clear that her father was not interested in having a daughter unless it was Princess Jessica.

And then there was Cristian. A grim smile crossed her face as she turned down the road to get to 'their' cottage. They had shared so much together… Natalie shook her head, she couldn't believe she'd ever been naïve enough to think that he could make her happy. He had for a while, but nobody would ever love her in the way that she needed. She knew that now. Her trust issues were right on the money. After he had revealed he truly was Cristian and that John had known, she'd realized there was nobody she could count on, nobody.

And then there was John. He was probably the person who had hurt her the most. He was the first man she had every given all of herself to, the only man to whom she had ever shown all her cards. And look at how he had repaid her. Her heart was so bruised and had been shattered so many times, she knew there was no way she would ever be able to trust anyone else with it again.

Suddenly, she looked to her left and saw John sitting on a park bench talking to Evangeline Williamson. She looked radiant with a flower tucked into her hair, hugging her knees to her chest as John impulsively leaned in and kissed her cheek. Natalie wanted to vomit, but instead she turned her insides into steel and abruptly changed course so that she went right by their table.

John saw her and looked down as she jogged back. Evangeline smiled smugly at her. "Hello, Natalie." A curt nod was her reply as she stopped. "Here to ask John to play the hero?" she asked snidely. John looked at his girlfriend with surprise. He had never noticed how catty she could be until now. "Evangeline," he said firmly. She looked at him, hurt. "What?" She rolled her eyes and pouted as he stood, taking Natalie with him out of Evangeline's earshot.

"How are you holding up?" Natalie jerked away from him. "Don't touch me." He sighed, running his hand through his hair. "John, I am fine." Her voice was cold as she turned to leave. "I'm not your problem anymore, remember?" She began to jog, not allowing herself to feel the pain she knew she should. Upon reaching Llanfair, she decided exactly what she had to do. Grabbing a pen and piece of paper, she penned a note for Viki, packed a small bag and walked out of the house for the last time.

An hour later, Viki arrived home to find the following note:

_Mom,_

_I'm sorry to have to leave like this but I just can't take pretending to be what I'm not anymore. I've tried my hardest to be what you and the rest of the family wants, but I'm not like Jessica. God knows I've tried…_

_You're the only person who has accepted and loved me for who I am Mom. Thank you so much and I'll be in touch within the next couple of days._

_Love,_

_Natalie_

Six months later, Natalie was comfortably settled in an apartment in Atlantic City. She felt so much more comfortable here because she didn't have a thing to prove to anyone. Viki was the only person from Llanview she'd kept in touch with because she was still mad as hell at John and Cristian, and the rest of her family didn't care about the real her. Natalie talked with and saw her mom often while avoiding everyone else. Things were just the way she liked them, which meant that of course her luck was about to run out.

Natalie walked over to the door at the insistent rapping to see John McBain standing in the hallway. She slammed the door in his face and turned to go back to the couch, but his poundings clearly indicated he was going nowhere, so with a sigh she opened it back up and gestured for him to come in. He did so, looking around and noting that her apartment had a lived in, cozy feel to it that had always seemed to be missing from her room in Llanfair.

"Well? John, what the hell do you want?" John sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Natalie, I miss you. I thought we were going to try to be friends." Natalie laughed bitterly. "'Friends'? John, when the hell were we _ever_ friends?" His eyes flashed with hurt and continuing she tried not to let it show how much that bothered her. "We always were just on the verge of being lovers, but we were never friends. Get that straight." Her voice was cold and laced with pain and anger. John winced but stood his ground, he knew he was getting only what he deserved.

"Then when you finally decided to give it a try, it was out of guilt. The only reason you were with me was because you knew my husband was alive and you felt bad that you were keeping it from me. Well guess what John? I don't give a damn that Cristian is alive anymore, because I hate him for keeping the truth from me! If not for him then I would know you were with me for the right reasons, but of course you immediately went running back to Evangeline instead. And I am **no one's** second," she finished quietly, tears streaming down her face.

John reached out to pull her into his embrace, but she stepped back. "You need to go." "Natalie-" "Get the hell out!" she screamed. He nodded and opened the door, turning back for a final look. "I just want you to know—I wasn't with you out of pity. I love you, have since the day I saw you." She shrugged, hoping he wouldn't see her heart breaking with the gesture. "I have nothing to do with that information, now or ever McBain." He nodded slowly, and she could see his heart was being ripped apart.

Natalie couldn't help herself, she moved over and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "For what it's worth—I loved you too," she whispered, giving him a sweet peck on the lips before stepping back. "Good-bye John." She shut the door slowly, turning and sliding down the door with her back against it as sobs overtook her. On the other side, John was doing the same thing…

The next morning, Natalie felt as though she had been given a fresh slate. She hummed as she cooked breakfast for herself and settled on the couch with her eggs and a good book. She couldn't believe how wonderful she felt. There was a slight pang of guilt when she thought about John but she brushed it aside. He had killed her feelings for him by keeping the truth from her and then running back to Evangeline.

With that thought gone, Natalie smiled at the unfamiliar sensation of being truly happy for the first time since she could remember. Life was good, she thought as she began to read and eat. Maybe she'd buy a lottery ticket—she certainly felt lucky.

THE END


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